Redneck Emails

She was so blonde that…

• She thought a quarterback was a refund.
• She managed to trip over my cordless phone.
• On the bottom of the job application where it said ‘Sign Here’ she wrote ‘Aquarias’.
• She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
• She told me to meet her on the corner of “Walk” and “Don’t Walk”.
• She tried to place a bag of M&M’s in alphabetical order.
• She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
• She took a ruler to bed so she could see how long she slept.
• When she got an AM radio, it took her 10 month to figure out she could use it at night.
• She spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box cos it said - “concentrate”
• She got stabbed in a Shoot out.
• She used to sit on the tv so she could watch the couch.

Short Funny Blonde Jokes

How do you know a blond has been in your office?

There is white-out on your computer screen.

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?

They think their picture is being taken.

Why shouldn’t blondes have coffee breaks?

It takes too long to re-train them.

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How does a blonde haired blue eyed Alabaman spell the word farm? — E I E I O

What do a Redneck divorcee and a Tornado have in common? — either way, you’re gonna lose your trailer…

Why did the redneck drive his pickup truck over the edge of a cliff? — He wanted to test out his new air brakes.

Big Jimbo sauntered into his local Post Office, and noticed a new sign on the wall:
MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA
“Dang it!” he said, “…if only that job was in Texas, Ah’d be a takin it!”

Did you hear about the Alabaman RedNeck who who planted Cheerios in his backyard? — He thought they were donut seeds…

Redneck Test - Are You A Redneck?
Have you sported a mullet? Or thought about collecting old cars on the lawn? Then test yourself with this Redneck Quiz to see if you are a Redneck! Hurry!

1. You hate going to the bathroom in the middle of the night because?

• Because I hate getting out of my warm bed
• Because after I put my shoes on and grab a jacket, I need to find the flashlight.
• Because if I had remembered to leave an empty beer bottle by the bed, I wouldn’t have a problem.

2.  After a “roll in the hay”, you turn to your lover and say:

• “That was nice”
• “I love you”
• “Roll down the window”
• “I noticed you got another tattoo”

3. You always make sure you record this show.

• Grey’s Anatomy
• The Office
• WWE Monday Night RAW
• NASCAR

4. Who do you admire most?

• The President
• My parents
• Jeff Foxworthy
• Jack Daniels

5. Do the directions to your house include one or more of the following phrases?

• “…so then you turn off the paved road”
• “…and you make a right at the sign for Bernie’s Worms”
• “…and we’ll be parked right next to the apple tree.”
• None of the above.

6. Prom is coming up. What are you most excited about?

• This year we’ve got a limo.
• This year my outfit is perfect.
• This year my date has all their front teeth.
• This year they’ll have daycare there.

7. Sometimes you can tell a Redneck just from their name. Which of the following is your name most similar to?

• Billy-Ray, Ricky-Bobby, Cletus, Bubba, Jim-Bob, etc.
• Bobbie-Sue, Dannielynn, Chastity, Charmaine, etc.
• Roger, Carl, Stewart, William, Archibald, etc.
• Elizabeth, Catherine, Madeline, Priscilla, etc.